Re: Male vs Female Abuse towards children

[MariaR1947@xxxxxxx]

May I stick my head above the parapet again!!!  Many thanks to all who took 
up my previous comments and the very thoughtful and thought provoking 
responses.  I was very interested in Janet Tabin's response re. the concept 
of 'blame'.  I totally agree that we, as a society, need to take 
responsibility for the actions we perpetrate on children (and each other) and 
for the particular social climate/ethos we have created.  However, I think my 
  worry with 'blame' is that the word itself seems to have a negatively 
punishing aspect (semantics really I suspect), and the idea of blame appears 
to be the end of the story - rather than an active, dynamic process of self 
reflection and awareness which has to be done in order to really 'take 
responsibility'. For example in divorce, blaming involves a process of 
self-denial and accusation of the other.  

Children often feel blame for what their parents do (which also involves 
'feeling responsible for'.) but part of their process is to do with their 
developmental age/stage and cognitive as well as emotional perspectives.  

Adults may be functioning at a very young level emotionally and this can also 
affect how they perceive 'blame' and 'taking responsibility and consequently 
their ability to do so - which of course has connotations for the success or 
otherwise of interventions.    I think (and feel) that the concepts of 
volition, shame, guilt and forgiveness are extremely powerful ones and these 
emotions are part and parcel of working with children and their families at 
whatever level.  It may be true that in order for an abuser (whatever gender) 
to feel responsible is when they are able to 'see' their act through the eyes 
of their child and have the courage to face the reality - not easy for any of 
us and also understand how they got to where they are (which may involve 
forgiveness of their past)  Self forgiveness may then be possible as 
forgiveness  from the victim/society may not be forthcoming.

I hope I have not strayed too far from the topic but I think Janet has raised 
a very important issue as emotional responses/moral issues are part of day to 
day interactions with children and families  and may not always form part of 
professional discussions (unless you have people fortunate enough to have 
regular professional supervision).

Best wishes again to all

Maria Robinson (flak jacket, armour ..................)