unusual names--nonconformism is not child abuse!

[lisa fontes <lfontes@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

I find this discussion so offensive--I have trouble fathoming why it has
generated such interest on this list. In fact, it seems like a parody of
professionalism--engaging in exactly what our critics accuse us of,
stigmatizing families because they are outside the mainstream. Families
who do not conform because they are of minority ethnic, religious, or
cultural status, or because they are poor, are already at risk for being
termed abusive or neglectiful because they don't look "the same." Note
all the pressure on the boys in Littleton who were not "jocks." As a
society we criminalize drugs used by a minority (e.g. marijuana) while
allowing free use of equally dangerous drugs used by the majority
(alcohol). Locally we have had a scandal where an ob/gyn has been
testing his pregnant patients for years WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT for drug
use and reporting them to child protection authorities if they test
positive, even for marijuana. Of course he does not do the same for
alcohol.

Yesterday my 12 year-old daughter was told she could not wear a cape to
school--too much like those killers in Littleton--she could hide a gun
underneath it. Will we all need to dress and look and name our children
exactly the same in order not to be termed "at-risk?" Sounds like
fascism to me.

The pressure to conform is tremendous. Choosing to name your children
names that seem strange to others may be a sign of love. I have a
daughter named Ana Lua. She is named after the moon that shown over her
conception and her birth, in Portuguese, her father's tongue. An
"unusual" name can be given in love, just as a usual name can be given
in hate. On to more important matters, like reducing the poverty, lack
of education and isolation that we KNOW contribute to child abuse.

Lisa Fontes, Ph.D.